Impulse
by zkcaskett
Summary: Takes place during Cops and Robbers (4x07). As the bomb explodes, Kate goes through a series of emotions. Once she sees Castle in the bank, all her walls come crashing down.
1. Chapter 1

She can hear it in Espo's voice, he's not at ease. They're all so eager to get a lead on _anything_ at this point. She needs answers and she needs them now. They're running out of time.

'Look we don't have time to wait for a return phone call so-'

The floor beneath her trembles and she recognized the sound of an explosion somewhere in the distance. Of course, she knows exactly what bomb just went off and her periphery vision goes black for a whole two seconds. She blindly opens the door and takes in her surroundings. Smoke. People; people running in every direction. Realization dawns on her and suddenly she's moving on instinct. There's no turning back now; she's going in. No matter what that entails for her safety or wellbeing. She doesn't give it a second thought at this point.

He's alive. It's like a mantra; she keeps repeating it to herself as she runs towards the banks' double doors. Her legs feel like jelly and she curses under her breath. So much for her daily run every morning.

She pushes through the crowd not thinking twice about it when she almost knocks another officer off his feet. He gives her a sideways look but he knows that at this point, there's no stopping this women. She isn't aware of any sounds as she moves forward. There is a slight buzzing in her ears, an after effect of the explosion.

The doors seem so far away. She can see them, but even as her feet hit the ground at an even rhythm, she never seems to get any closer. She thinks she hears a women screaming from behind her. Thank goodness Alexis is safe. Oh God, _Alexis. _She had truly believed that she'd be capable of getting to her father and grandmother out, when she'd promised so to the teen. At the time, it was easy to sound so optimistic. What had she done? Promising to get them out like that? What if it's too late? It _is_ too late.

_No. _

No time for silly thoughts like that. He is alive. Her feet increase their pace.

Someone hands her a flash light. She reaches for the gun in her holster with her right hand. She clicks the flash light to life and places it under her gun using her left. Someone is holding the door open. It's there. He's so close yet so far. How did she let him get this far? They haven't started yet. Haven't started anything. They had all the time in the world. They were meant to be together. Life, wasn't supposed to get in the way like that. It wasn't even because of her job. He was just in the wrong place and that wrong _God damn_ time. This wasn't how it was supposed to play out. Perfect timing. That's what she had been waiting for. She feels a prickle in her nose, and she realizes that she's holding back tears. Kate Beckett doesn't cry; she hides. No time to hide now though. What was she still doing standing there? Her body is pushed forward and she passes the man holding the door.

No one says a word. There is a faint sound of a walkie talkie right beside her. She ignores it, it's useless at this point. She just needs to see him. Because he's alive. He wouldn't let her go like that. He wouldn't leave her.

He waited. Four years.

He promised her always.

He wouldn't leave her, not without a fight.

Suddenly her voice surges out into the room, 'Castle.' It's strangled and breathless. She calls out to him. Nothing, there is no response.

'Castle?' This time it's more like a question.

No, it's not supposed to be a question. He's alive. That's a fact. She believes. There is no time to be questioning anything.

'Castle!' It's impatient now. This is not the time for him to stay silent! She needs for him to answer. Just as she feels like her legs are about to give out, she hears it. His voice.

'Beckett?' It's tentative, and sweet and him. _Him._ He's alive. He really is. She doesn't quite believe it. She jogs, almost trips over her own feet, towards the sound of his voice. And then she sees them. They're in a cellar. He's there too. They make eye contact and she almost loses herself in the pools of his deep blue eyes. She would recognize those eyes anywhere.

He smiles then. It's a shy smile but it's perfect. It's reassuring. His hands are tied together but he manages to give her a slight wave. Her heart flutters. She _knew_ it. He's okay. _They're_ okay. Or at least they will be.

She allows herself to stare for half a second and she hears herself say 'They're here'. Then she's moving again. Towards him; she only sees him. He's laughing now, not at her but at the absurdity of the situation.

'I told you, huh?' He says it in his usual joking tone. It soothes her. 'Oh my God!' she sighs in relief as she collapses to her knees in front of him and he laughs. She smiles then. For the first time since they talked on the phone she smiles. She realizes in that moment how happy he makes her. She stares at him, relishing the fact that she can see him again, that he isn't a pigment of her imagination or a mirage. He's here and he's alive. Her smile widens. Her body gravitates towards him, she _needs_ the proximity. She grabs hold of his hands, those big yet soft hands of his, but never leaves his gaze. She reaches for her pocket knife and puts the blade on the plastic holding his wrists together. 'Here I go, ready?' she asks him. She doesn't want to injure him. He nods, probably looking forward to having full mobility of his hands again.

She breaks eye contact to watch what she's doing. She hears the plastic snap and just like that, he's free. 'Okay,' she mumbles.

She looks into his eyes again. Suddenly, it's not enough anymore. She needs to touch him. She grabs hold of his lapel and slides her hand across his collar bone. It dawns on her that he might be hurt. 'How are you?' she asks a little breathlessly, their closeness catching up with her beating heart. It leaps in her chest. He doesn't answer but he smiles. Her smile widens in return, if that's even possible.

As she looks into his eyes, she realizes how close she was to losing him. How close there was to never being a 'them'. There still isn't a 'them' now. She needs to fix that. Immediately.

She pulls on his lapel with both hands and brings them closer together. Their lips are separated by mere inches now. She can feel his hot breath against her cheeks and it sends a shiver down her spine. His eyes are wide; he was obviously not expecting this. But he isn't backing away. She takes that as a sign that they still stand where they were only hours ago. She locks her gaze with his for a second, shuts her eyes and them closes the distance between them.

She feels an electric current run through her. She applies the barest pressure against his mouth. His lips are soft and parted and at first they don't react. He doesn't seem to think this is really happening. That touch is all it takes for the embers in the pit of her stomach to ignite. She applies more pressure now. Her lips making full contact with his. This time he does move. She feels his hands surround her neck from behind and intertwine with her hair. Her hand do the same on the back of his head and a small moan escape her lips as he takes control of their moving mouths. His tongue traces her bottom lip, seeking entrance, and she's about to grant it, but she hears someone clearing there throat. It seems a million miles away but it gets her attention.

She reluctantly lets their lips part and sees his mother. 'He's not the only one here you know.' She remembers where they are and her face turns crimson. She can feel her face flaming under his mother's gaze. 'I'm so sorry Martha,' she says as she moves away from him and helps the older women out of the restraints on her wrists.

When they are back on their feet she glances at him and her mouth curves at the corner when she sees the grin he's wearing. He takes hold of her hand and seems surprised when she doesn't pull away. She craves his touch. She'll take anything he has to give in order to hold it together and not jump him in the middle of the still flaming bank. They make their way to the exit and she contemplates what comes next. It almost makes her blush a darker shade than when she spontaneously started making out with him in front of his mother.


	2. Chapter 2

Impulse Part II

**I am new to fanfiction so I forgot to put this in last time:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, simply borrowing its beautiful characters!**

**I was over whelmed by the response to this story; it makes my day to know that people liked it! Here is the next installment! Hope you all enjoy. Minor rating change to T, by the way. Just thought I'd let you know!**

They're all staring at Beckett who is listening attentively to the voice on the other side of the phone, all of them hoping for the fairy tale ending. Or what's left of it anyway. 'What?' she asks eagerly. 'Okay,' she says with a straight face, 'Thank you'. She turns to the men who are all on the edges of their seat. Kate hangs up the phone and sighs in relief. 'They found them,' she states. Castle brings his hands to his mouth like he was in prayer and mumbles a 'Yes!' under his breath. With that, the tension seems to evaporate and dissipate within the room. She informs them of the current situation but it all sums up to the fact that the mother and child will be all right.

Espo grabs his coat and hand gestures Ryan to come with. 'Come on, let's go pick 'em up,' he says in his haste to leave the precinct. 'Do we really have to go pick them up in Ethica?' Ryan whines. He follows any way, too happy to let the road trip ruin the mood.

Kate takes her seat and laces her fingers together, bringing them to rest on her mouth. She releases another breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. Then Castle speaks up and she notices the contemplative look he wears.

'Even as a hostage, I help you solve murders… Beckett, I think… I think you have the perfect partner.' He states, evidently proud of the evidence he gathered during this case. She smirks and can't resist teasing him. 'Yeah, except he doesn't like doing paper work,' she adds with a critical tone, but with a smile none the less. 'Touché,' he reluctantly admits. She looks at him adoringly but he misses it, lost in his own thoughts.

She isn't sure where they stand but she does know one thing; she's not letting him go that easily tonight. She spent the better half of the day thinking she might not get the chance to see him again. After their passionate reunion in the bank, they hadn't had time to discuss what it meant to them. Having an active case to solve and the boys constantly surrounding them had been an active distraction. However, they were now alone and she knew she wasn't ready to let him go for the night. 'So, Old Haunt? I'll buy you a drink,' she suggests tentatively.

'No,' he replies easily and she's momentarily crestfallen. 'But I'll do you one better,' he finishes and her heart flutters at the suggestion. He asks her to accompany him home for a family dinner. She doesn't even think twice about accepting his invitation.

They share a cab and Castle gives the driver his address. As he turns back to look at her, he finds her already staring. She blushes and averts her gaze as a shy smile covers her lips. He tilts her chin up with his index finger and looks straight into her eyes. 'Do you know red suits you beautifully?' he asks referring to her flushed cheeks. It's sappy and incredibly sweet at the same time. It's all she thought she didn't want. Now she realizes it's what she craves. From him. Only him.

Their faces are so close she can feel his breath caress her cheeks and she closes her eyes leaning into him. For the second time today, she closes the distance between them and this time he responds instantly. It's electric as their lips meet and they move together at a languid pace. She can feel his hand brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. He pulls back slowly and grins at her. They're breathless and when they open their eyes, Kate sees his have gone a shade darker. He grins at her and shifts his eyes to the cabbie before bringing them back to her. He doesn't want them to be thrown out of the cab for inappropriate public display of affection.

She lets a small laugh escape her lisps and settles back into her seat. Castle slips his hand on her thigh and she grabs hold of it. She wants the connection. She feels like a teenager all over again. The skin beneath his hand is burning even with the layer of clothing that separates the skin to skin contact.

When they arrive in front of his apartment, Castle pays the driver and leaves a generous tip. Kate is waiting right beside him and she drags him towards the elevator. They haven't relinquished each other's hands. As the doors chime and open they step inside. The doors close behind them and he is on her in less than a second. Her back hits the left wall she half sighs, half moans as their lips lock. It's passionate and fiery. Her hand reach up and tangle is his hair while his grab her waist. He slips his tongue inside her already parted lips and moans at the sensation. She can feel her heart thudding in her chest and wonders if he can hear it too.

They eventually come up for air as the elevator dings. They share the same oxygen as they breathe, their mouths still only centimeters from touching. They glance at the open doors and Kate smiles, looking back at him taking in his disheveled hair and swollen lips. She reaches out and combs it back into place as best as she can.

He brushes her cheek with his hand and then drops it to take hold of hers again. He leads her towards the loft. Once they've reached the door he looks back at her and asks, 'Are you ready?' She nods in response and he opens the door.

She passes the threshold and Martha is on her, 'Oh, Kate! Oh darling, you can join us you great and beautiful creature, come in!' she exclaims enveloping her in a motherly hug. She leads Kate towards the kitchen and as soon as she sees the feast laid out before her she can't help but praise the women. 'Oh wow _Martha_! You… you really… _outdid_ yourself!' she struggles to find the appropriate words. The older woman seems pleased. 'I did, facing death demands celebrating life, tonight we feast!' she says referring to their near death experience.

Castle joins in, 'Where's Alexis?' Martha motions towards the other room. He excuses himself and even though, she doesn't want to let him go, she knows it's for the best. Martha kindly offers her some wine and she accepts; a smile illuminates her face.

As Martha pour's her glass, she glances at the younger women and smirks. 'So, in the bank today, that was quite the show of emotion,' she comments and Kate feels her face get hot. 'Yeah, we, um… Well we're…' She's desperate to find the words that could describe the situation her and Castle are in right now but she's afraid the English language hasn't supplied any. What was taking Castle so long? She needed him right now. _Oh, jeez,_ she thought, _how am I supposed to explain this to his _mother_?_

She tried again, 'What I meant to say was-' Martha cut her off. 'There's no need to be embarrassed dear, I was just being nosy. It's an actor thing; we tend to want all the details. I can assure you that I'm pleased about this… change in the nature of your relationship with my son. In fact, from what I recall, I might have won the bet!' Kate breathes a sigh of relief. Thanking whatever power is looking out for her up there. Wait, what? A bet?

'Martha what bet?' she asks. 'Katherine dear, for a detective, you don't seem very observant. I'm talking about the precinct bet of course; the one about you two getting together! It's been on for years!' As soon as she got back to work, she was going to kills the guys for letting this happen. She would even bet her bottom dollar that they set it up. Martha keeps talking. 'You know Katherine, maybe that's part of the reason you two have been holding out all this time. Richard's not very good at telling people how he feels. He often shows people through his actions, hoping that it will be sufficient. It's pretty ironic seeing as he's an author and expects others to voice their opinions! Anyhow! Listen to me, rambling away! How have you been doing dear?'

Kate is glad for the change of subject but doesn't quite put aside what Martha said. As they make small talk, she thinks about what she said. Through his actions. Well, that could mean coffee every morning, kicking down the door of her flaming apartment to get her out alive, holding her close so that she doesn't freeze to death inside a freezer. She thinks of all those things they've been through that they never talked about. Maybe they should. Talk about it that is. God knows it would do her some good to talk to someone other than Lanie for once.

At last Castle reenters the room with Alexis and she hands him his glass of wine. They smile at each other. Castle thanks her for saving his life she tells him that there's no need, that they're partners. She'll always have his back. Then he adds in a teasing tone 'Yes, some of us more than others of course.' He leans in to brush his glass to hers but she pulls back. 'Wait, what's that supposed to mean?' she asks, raising her eyebrows. He looks at her and smirks, 'Only that this is the eighth time you've saved my life and I've saved your life nine times.' She can't believe it! How the hell does he even know that? 'Okay, first of all,' she starts, 'I can't even believe that you're keeping score, and secondly there is no way that you've saved my life more than I have yours. Nine? Please.' He looks at her with a stunned look. She turns away and heads towards the kitchen for dinner. 'Well let's review, shall we?' he asks. He follows her to the dinner table and starts recounting their near death experiences. 'The first time, I distracted that mad gun man with a champagne bottle, and yes, that was a save, even you admitted it. The second time, the serial killer put a bomb in your kitchen while you were taking a shower. I had to breathe the hellish flames to pull you out of your bath tub.' On a side not he adds, 'Won't be forgetting that anytime soon…'

She feels herself redden. What is it with blushing today? She remembers that very well, and she's knows he's referring to the fact that she was naked at the time. For some reason, that heats her cheeks even more. She really needs to get a hold of herself. Maybe she should see a doctor, this can't be normal. She listens attentively as he continues to tell his tale of his 'knight in shining armor' moments with the NYPD.

Alexis notices that love struck look Kate has been staring at her father with all night. She's actually relived. It worried her that Kate might not give in to the feelings she had for her dad. At least one good thing might have come out of this freaking bank explosion.

Keeping the conversation going while they eat is not a problem. They are all still pumped with the adrenaline the day has supplied. As they talk, Kate finds herself missing the contact she and Castle had been sharing earlier. She finds herself slipping off one of her shoes and touching Castle's foot. He stiffens and hits his knee on the table noisily. Kate gives him a questioning look feigning innocence. The two other women are oblivious as to what is going on and simply continue eating. Two can play at that game, he thinks. He does the same with one of his shoes and caresses her foot. She clears her throat and he is glad to see that she is as affected by him as he is by her.

Slowly she decides to get bolder and lifts her foot to graze the inside of his thigh. He shifts in his seat, unable to keep still and notices that she's still eating her food, not even looking at him. _That little minx_, he thinks! He squeezes his legs closed forcing her to look up at him. A smile is threatening to escape her lips as the corners of her mouth begin to twitch. It's all he can do not to kiss her senseless right then and there.

_A/N: More to come! I can't promise weekly updates but I'm not done here. Thanks for the reviews; they are greatly appreciated as well as everyone who has taken the time to read this story! Any suggestions are welcome. Feel free to PM me anytime. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer : In Marlowe we trust, therefore, no, I do not own Castle. **

**A/N: Here is the next installment to Impulse, I hope you all enjoy! I greatly appreciate all of you who take the time to read my story, review, favourite and/or follow! You make my day, so thank you! **

**Now, I really love fluff… For me, fanfiction is the parallel universe where everything is perfect. Keep this in mind because honestly, I don't really enjoy angst and I think we've all had enough of it when it comes to discovering the secrets these two withheld from one another. **

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Once supper was over and their limbs separate, Kate insisted on helping with the clean-up. It sure was a delicious dinner, the quantities enough to feed an army and really only could be described as a feast. She reminded Martha of that several times and truly meant the compliment. She also thanked Alexis seeing as she had contributed to the 'duck-à-l'orange'. She couldn't help but notice the spark in Castle's eye when she gave credit to Alexis for her help. She looked down at her feet sheepishly, not sure what to make of the look or how to respond to it.

She knew that look. It was one she had become accustomed to avoid thinking about. It held too much sincerity and depth. In the past, she couldn't handle it. What about now? Was she ready to face what that look- that could only be categorized in a file named after a four letter word- meant for them? When she stopped to think about it, it was a beautiful word. It made your heart flutter, your insides melt and basically your interior turned to mush. How could one word send her running in the opposite direction so suddenly, she asked herself. It was beautiful, simple and only had positive connotations.

Love.

Truth be told, it's probably said too much, however, in a way, not enough. Too much and taken for granted, but not enough when it truly mattered.

They needed to talk. He needed to know what she had been holding back. It hit her at such full force that she paused in the middle of her stride back to the kitchen carrying some of the left overs. Castle bumped into her but quickly put a hand on her hips to steady her. She looked back at him throwing a shy smile over her shoulders that didn't quite reach her eyes. Of course, being her partner in crime, Castle caught it and spun her around gently. He only gave her a questioning look but his eyes were filled with worry. He probably thought she was questioning them and whether this was a good idea, she thought. It's the emotion she saw reflected in his pupils that convinced her. They definitely had to talk. If he was going to be giving her more of these looks, they definitely deserved to know.

They made eye contact and she mouthed 'Later' before turning away. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze and dropped his hand back to hold the plate he was carrying.

How was she going to say that she had been lying to him for the past 5 months? She couldn't come right out and say it, could she? He wouldn't understand the reasons behind it. But if she started with why she did it, it quite frankly, even to her, sounded like she was making up excuses. She decided to play it by ear. If she had learned one thing while on the field, it was that you can't always anticipate every next move. Sometimes, people surprise you and then your plan falters.

This was important though. She couldn't let herself mess it up .He was her one… No. She shouldn't be thinking things like that before they were even exclusive. She was getting ahead of herself. Knowing Castle though, she really didn't think this was a one-time thing. He had waited 4 and ½ years for crying out loud, it would make absolutely no sense for him to simply jump in to bed with her and leave. He was a man of logic.

And he had told her. She knew how he felt about her. He was also a man of words therefore they had to mean something to him. He wouldn't have said something like that, just because she was dying would he? She was asking too many questions and she knew it. This had to be done and out in the open. She wouldn't have it any other way. As soon as they were alone, she would tell him.

* * *

Soon after her emotional turmoil, she realized that everything was clean and in order. Amazing how fast four pairs of hands could work.

Alexis excused herself, by explanation of having to study for an upcoming trig test. Martha did the same, only her plan to catch some sleep seemed a lot less feasible to the adults who remained downstairs. They exchanged a knowing look and Castle smiled. Beckett furrowed her brow and made her way to the couch. She took a seat and Castle wasted no time in joining her, sitting right beside her.

Kate took a deep breath and looked at him, hoping her eyes would display her emotions as accurately as her heart could feel them. Fortunately he knew when to stay silent and wait her out. He simply took her hand and lazily traced patterns on the back of her palm with his thumb. He stared at their joined hands almost in wonder, as if they were the most inconceivable thing he'd ever seen. He wasn't completely wrong. She had denied her feelings for so long that it should have felt like there was no hope for them after a certain point. But he still stuck around. That's why she lo-

No. She couldn't put her heart out there without being certain it wouldn't be mulled over by a truck. Only, maybe that's what it would take. Could she do that? Would she be able to take that chance if it was her only way out? Enough with the internal discussion, she thought!

'Castle…' She began tentatively. 'I… I have something to tell you. I just-' she took a deep breath. 'Just, let me finish before you say anything, okay? Trust me. Please. I know you don't have any reason to do so but, please.' She knew her words weren't making any sense right now, but they soon would. She knew that if he said anything before she was finished, she would break. Once she started, it would most likely come out all at once in a jumble of words and emotion. She needed him to understand.

'I remember.' His eyes went wide, the meaning behind her words evident. She quickly placed a hand over his chest. 'I know, it was wrong not to tell you and I'm _sorry_. I'm _so_ sorry. I really am. I just needed time. I wasn't good enough for you. You didn't deserve someone who was broken. I made a point to heal myself so that I could give us a chance. I hoped that in the park you'd understand. I still don't know if you did, but it was us. I was referring to us.' She stopped abruptly. She'd been looking into his eyes the whole time, analyzing the play of emotions behind his irises. Ranging from confusion, to hurt, until they softened and he just looked at her. She didn't know what to make of it. It was rare that silence made her uncomfortable, but this was one of those times. She had to convince him so she looked down at his motionless hand that held hers and rambled on. 'I get it, I know it was wrong, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Castle, I never meant to hurt you, I just couldn't _not_ tell you after-'

Kate was cut off abruptly by the feel of his lips on hers. She was shocked but recovered quickly. She whimpered helplessly in his arms, wrapping hers around his neck tightly. She had not been expecting this reaction at _all_. She gave him everything she had as she thrust her tongue past the seam of his lips. She took control of the kiss as he tightened his hands around her waist. In one swift motion she straddled him, never breaking the kiss. As their hips made contact they both gasped, both desperately seeking air to fill their deprived lungs. Kate held him tighter and pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck. He too held onto her with all he had and caressed her back soothingly.

'Kate,' he whispered over and over again, his lips now brushing her ear. 'It's okay. I get it. It's not easy.' He left it at that and continued to hug her and gently stroke her back. After a couple of minutes, he looked up and she did the same.

'I have something to tell you too. It's about your mother's case.'

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_A/N: Okay, I know I said I hated angst but this is mere anticipation! Don't worry, I'll update soon. And don't worry too much, I told you I liked happy endings. Reviews make my day! However, you, reading my story does too! Have a good one. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, sorry this took a little while but the 4th chapter is finally here! I hope it was worth the wait! By the way, remember I said no angst so this might get a little sappy. I love happy Caskett times. Especially with the Squab and the Quail promo. I'm so mad, I can't even explain it! But yeah, this was to distract me.**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still not mine! Andrew Marlowe, I swear to whomever it is up there that if you hurt Caskett, I will hurt you.**

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She lifted her head from where it had drifted to rest in his shoulder. Her mother's case? What did he mean? How could he know anything that she didn't know?

"What about it?" She asked cautiously. She was still on his lap but she moved her hands from around his shoulders to intertwine their fingers. He looked down and their joined hands and took a deep breath.

She'd never seen him quite so pensive. His brow furrowed as she watched the play of emotions drift across his features. She honestly had no idea what to expect. Was he about to say something that would change her mind?

No.

Nothing he could say to her would change her mind about this. About them. Now that she'd crossed that line and felt what it was like to just hold his hand and feel his lips move against hers, she couldn't get enough. It had been hard enough to keep her hands to herself in the precinct.

It was more than that though. He was... Him.

No one had ever been there for her quite like he had. No one had ever taken the time to get to know her like he had. She had pushed him away relentlessly, gave him absolutely no hope of anything ever happening between them and still, he stuck around. He watched her blatantly ignore the chemistry and attraction between them and start relationships with other men. Thinking about it now, he probably went through hell during those times when she left him to go home to one of her boyfriends. Could she even call them that? She knew those relationships would never go anywhere and she made sure that she always kept one foot out the door, ready to bolt. But he never left.

If she was being completely honest with herself, if one of them had ever come between her and Castle, she would have chosen him every single time. Castle that is. She told them, both Tom and Josh, that he was just a colleague, that he was her partner and nothing more. She was trying to convince herself as much as them of that.

He knew everything about her. Well, as much as she'd been willing to share throughout all those years. He always seemed to know what to say or how to approach the subject to pull her heart strings and make her share. She liked to share. She never wanted too and always felt like he was pushing too hard but after telling him what it was that was on her mind she felt better, weightless even. Like a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders. It was good for her to talk. She'd never initiate it but he was always there to make sure she did it anyway. She loved that he pushed her limits sometimes. It was for her own good.

He saved her life and she did the same countless times. Over the years she had come to appreciate his presence with her in the field. She knew she could count on him to never let anything happen to her. Really, it should have been the other way around but it was their routine. It was them.

She probably put him through hell when she left last summer. After her near death, she needed an out. She needed to recover, alone. Well, as alone as she could afford to be. That included her dad only. However, the admission of his feelings in the cemetery did play a part in getting her back on her feet.

Kate, I love you. I love you Kate.

Get up. He loves me.

Walk to the kitchen. He loves me.

Eat something. He loves me.

Sleep. He loves me.

She repeated those lines to herself to get through each day.

After three months of no returned calls and isolation, she came back with only a brief explanation and an offer to come back and join her on the force. He forgave her in a heartbeat and accompanied her back to the precinct. That might have had something to do with him confessing his love to her. Sometimes, love made you do stupid things, they said. She took advantage of it that day, hoping it hadn't faded. Hoping that he hadn't changed his mind over their summer apart. Luckily he hadn't and he stuck around. He came back.

And just now, she had admitted that she had been lying to him. He just set it aside and comforted her when he should have been the one who was devastated. He still didn't get mad.

He'd promised her always and he had kept that promise. She was now ready to accept it.

In that moment, Kate realized what really mattered to her. She would always love her mother; that would never change. But right now, he was all that mattered. It didn't matter what he told her about her mother's case. It didn't matter if he had any new leads. She wouldn't pursue them. It wasn't worth it. She couldn't believe that it had taken her this long to come to this conclusion. But she had. And that was all that mattered right? It had to be. So she told him so. Unable to keep her feelings bottled in. Whatever it was that he was about to tell her, he looked pretty shaken by it. She could tell that it was eating away at him. She didn't want to see him suffer any more. Didn't want him to doubt her. He had every reason too. But she wanted to that to change. Change his mind about her.

"Castle... " He didn't look up from their joined hands.

"Castle look at me," he tried again, voice soft. She took his face between her hands and cradled his cheeks in her palms.

"Tell me if you really want to. But I promise... I promise it won't change anything between us. I won't let it. We've waited long enough for this. I'm ready Castle. I'm ready to let it all go. I want to live for today and for tomorrow. Not for yesterday. God that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. That's what I've been doing for the last four years. Ignoring what was right there in front of me, which would be you, because I was still caught up with what destroyed me back then. I promise, I won't let whatever you're about to tell me come between us. Trust me, okay?" She looked him in the eyes the whole time. He looked back at her with a sense of wonder and she could see the sparkle was back in his deep blue eyes.

He raised one of his hands and gently placed it on one of her cheeks. He stroked his thumb as if to feel the softness of her skin. He tucked a stand of her hair behind her ear and closed the distance between them. His lips brushed hers softly and it was meant to be a heartwarming action, one made to comfort both of them. He kept the contact light, shaking his head so that their lips brushed intimately. It was almost too much for her. The intimacy and love conveyed through the action almost brought her to tears.

When he stopped, a few seconds later he spoke again, determined to get it all out.

"I've been looking into your mother's case." He began slowly to see if she would say anything. He looked up and saw that her eyes where closed and she seemed a little breathless. He continued. "After you... After the incident in the cemetery, someone gave me some information about your mother's killer and the man who shot you." He stopped for a second as if to assess her reaction. When she didn't say anything he continued. "Kate, I just wanted to keep you safe. They told me that if you didn't see any of it they'd leave you alone. So I kept it from you, but I couldn't just let them get away with this. Not the men that took so much from you. You never deserved any of it and you sure as hell deserve closure. So I figured if I could find them, then maybe you would be whole again, or closer to where you wanted to be any way. And then maybe we... I'm so sorry Kate. You have to understand, keeping you safe is all that matters to me. I get it you don't want me any-"

He was cut off by her lips. They were fierce and demanding on his. He responded instantly and ran his hands through her luscious brown locks. She took control and he felt her tongue demanding entry to his mouth. He gave in instantly and tangled his tongue around hers.

She had to stop him from talking somehow and she had figured that her lips might have done the trick. She had been right of course. She would never get enough if him. She felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter towards her abdomen. The need for him took over and she just needed the contact.

Her hands made their way to the front of his shirt and slowly started unbuttoning it, one button at a time.

She could feel just how affected he was by her as her hips brush against his. He had the same effect on her. She felt Castle shift beneath her and she looked up.

"Not here," he said simply and gathered her into his arms. She giggled in surprise but only held on tighter, wrapping her arms around his head. She actually giggled. Kate Beckett didn't giggle. Well, Richard Castle did bring out the best in her. Maybe things would change now. For the better she hoped. He carried her across the loft, through his office and into his bedroom.

Castle set her down gently on the bed but she never let go, only pulled him down with her. He trailed kisses up her arm and into her neck. Kate bit her lip as he sucked on her pulse point but couldn't quite contain the moan that escaped her lips. She turned her head to give him better access.

He kissed down and looked up at her slowly. His hands brush her sides as he lifted the hem if her shirt. She smiled and he lifted the garment to unveil her upper body covered only by her bra. He brushed the hair away from her face and caressed her sides. He continued his journey with his lips down her sternum and lightly kissed the scar between her breasts. She threaded her fingers through his hair and moaned again.

"Castle..." She said a little breathless. He was on her mouth in an instant. His lips caressed hers with a passion she had never experience before. Perhaps it was more than passion. She knew it was. It was pure and unconditional love. She felt it radiating off of him in waves. He broke their kiss but kept their lips very close. "I love you, Kate. I never stopped."

She smiled and kissed again.

"I love you too Castle. Always."

With that, he took her lips and went on to show her how much they both had had no idea what they had been missing out on for the last four years.

* * *

**A/N: I was thinking of ending it there! I hope you guys enjoyed itand that it lived up to your expectations. I will probably start a new fic that will follow this one so if you really liked it and would like this story to continue then, by all means, follow my next story. This however, could be a plausible ending. I cannot thank you all enough for your support! Thank you to every single one of you! You make my day brighter. **


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